Few minutes after our general orientation (6th of November), a classmate of mine approached me with regards to the schedule that was released on the 30th of October wherein i was surprised when i saw my name on the list without my knowledge and same thing with my consent. Yeah someone informed me about the OR completion the day before the duty was scheduled and asked me if i can go with them without me knowing that they are the ones who filed a request of duty as volunteers which I believe is pretty much contradicting and that's if you'll ask me. 

These are the questions in my mind and questions that is in need of valid answers

• how do the names came about?
• have you thought of the possible consequences of giving names without even talking to them (ahem..kasali ako jan)?
• do you think we deserve to receive an incident report?why or why not?
• do we have to pay for the entire duty that we should have attended but failed to do so due to reasons that you guys are the ones who can answer it all?
• when are you going to explain this incident since twas your idea so basically you started it (sad but true)

                  6 out of 12 students from our section had their scheduled duty but unfortunately, i was one of those who failed to do so due to the late notice that was given to me through text, we had our Halloween Party since my uncle who lives in Oxnard California went home together with his family for a vacation and lastly, i dont think it'll be fair enough if i'll go for completion knowing that a lot of my classmates are really in need of OR cases more than i do since i already had my duty during the semestral break.

                  I've already made my IR with my explanation for that matter and a request of dialogue with our Level IV Coordinator for Clinics and with our Asst. Dean for Clinics as well in behalf of those who are concerned.

                  The intention was good but the outcome wasnt because you should have talked to us before giving out our names. You should have anticipated the possible consequences of your action of not talking to us first. You should have let us know as early as possible because we cant hide the fact that it was all your fault. And look what you've done? Dont leave us hanging. You alone is the key for that locked door. May this be a lesson not only for you but for all of us. LORD may you have mercy on us and we ask for you guidance to be with us always.

            Last  night i thought of what you've said to me. All of your fears and worries that might happen when you leave the country by next year. I dunno if its just that you dont wanna lose me coz you're afraid that i might be with someone else, if you're just making "lambing" or you have an implied message there. I was crying without you knowing it coz beyond my silence was a heart that was secretly hurting inside  and eyes filled of tears flowing. I was wrong when i thought of such implied messsage that you might want to convey but it hurts more when you've shared about your past. Yeah i understand and i couldnt blame you for such thing that she've done to you. But isnt it unfair that her mistakes now becomes a hindrance for you to trust me? As what i kept on telling you...she can never be me and i could never be her. I know and i understand that you've become so paranoid about things that she did to the relationship that you had with her and thats okay with me. Hope you give me a chance to prove myself to you. That im indeed different to her in terms of a lot of aspects in life. Yeah i may not know her personally but i know that in every individual has a distinct characteristics that differs from the others. I, myself have a lot of insecurities, the same thing with my fears and worries in our relationship. The thought of you leaving the country after our graduation day keeps on making me cry because im not that ready to face tomorrow without seeing you and being with you. I know it wont be easy for you too and we both have to make some adjustments. A long distance relationship would be ours as you leave. And i dunno know yet whats in store for us but i know that we can make it just have faith in GOD and have faith in me. iloveyou more than you ever know :c

            Im reaLLy wonderin of why im a feeling so guilty even if my conscience is cLeaN?! no matter how  hard i try not to feel this way..i just cant do it. I dunno what was on his mind from the moment that ive shared to him what was exactly wrong with me. Im not sure if ive thought of the right thing to do in order to adjust and forget about it. But no matter what i do, i just cant get it out of my head. That kind of thought was terrible and it really keeps on haunting me. I've stopped and thinked twice when he sat beside me and said "You dont have to feel that way if we both know that we did nothing wrong, right? Dont worry too much coz i wont leave you hanging. Im just hear and all you have to do is to trust me". Yeah he was right with what he said to me. But im just really wondering  of why oh why am i feeling this way that i know i shudnt be. When we were on our way home, i cant focus and i got really nervous because of what had happened and luckily that he let us talk to settle things on our own. I've appreciated all the things that he did for me. I cant imagine that we both put ourselves in the situation everytime we have problems in order to be fair enough with our reactions rather than doing something without even thinking. I know nothing is imposible with HIM alone because faith can move mountains. I might be so exaggerated but its just that i cant even blame myself and just like what he said to me "im happy because you became true to urself and with me as well". I've apologized on what i've become because of that incident but instead of him getting mad at me, i've felt his concern and how his patience touched me. And im happy enough that in spite of what had happened, we've helped one another instead of making things worst. Im really thankful and will be forever thankful for having you in my life just like what i've told you. I'll take gud care of you and our relationship.

You're the One I Love -- Jesse Powell

It's like i've never been here before
look at you now, i don't want to wake you
to tell you i feel something more
more then before, i'd be lost without you

in my eyes there's just you and no other
in my heart there's no doubt that you're mine
suddenly i wonder if i told you
what i feel inside

CHORUS
if it doesn't show, baby you don't know i need you, need you
i need you in my life
to you i wouldn't lie, i'll be true, be true
cuz if i never told how would you ever know
that baby you're the one i love..

girl if you could read my mind
then you would see that it's just you and me
and a love that has no sense of time
pictures of you, now and forever

in my eyes there's just you and no other
in my heart there's no doubt that you're mine
suddenly i wonder if i told you
what i feel inside

CHORUS

let me relate to you baby
there's no need to have any doubt
i love you and i'm gonna say the words...
out loud..

CHORUS
love..(fading out)

--This song is actually one of my favorites..
 first heard it on myfavorite radio station (wave89.1) 
and now iv been LSS to this song which i think is for someone who complete my whole being..
i know i wont be wrong if i'll let you know that i dedicate this to you alone..
i love you so much without a doubt..we only got 9 days to go!! 
and we're goin to celebrate our 2nd months together!!! iloveyou neiLko..i do.. :-* >:D<--

         I woke up at around 530a and left the house 10min. before 7 so i wont be late in our orientation that we dont have to miss. As i was on the road with those unfamiliar faces around me, i was really bothered with the heavy traffic along aguinaldo hi-way and i kept on looking at the my watch to check what time is it with a dismay on my face. At exactly 8 o'clock I got really nervous coz during that time i was still in Jollibee Kalinisan. I arrived at around 830a, i had my attendance outside and listed down all the cases that i have. I was lucky enough that i wasnt that late because the orientation just started as i have entered the amphitheatre.

What was our orientation all about?

• NCM105 (Leadership and Management) & RLE (432h)
• Areas of Clinical Exposure (Community, Special Areas for our completion, and Hospital)
• Adviser/Lecturer for the entire semester
• How much is the make-up duty per hour (P66/hr..OMG nagtaas na naman sila)
• Areas to focus on per cluster
• School Policies (again and again?!)
• Feedbacks from some of the affiliate institutions
• New Policy from the PRC (for operation of more than 2h; for OR cases-2students can get the case(2 for the scrub&2 for the circulating nurse) & for DR cases - 2students can get the case(2 for the actual, handle and cord care)

     I woke up today with the same thoughts in my head...thoughts of what's in store for me this coming semester and  I dunno if the same scenarios will come on my way as classes resume next week. Still uncertain if the same stressors will make it hard for me and if I will be able to overcome those.

      Looking back on the days and the months that have passed by, where i was just a new face in the school that i have transferred to and there i was trying to cope up with the frustrations and same thing with the depression that i've been through. True enough that GOD, indeed have better plans for me and ive realized it everytime i look back. Through the ups and the downs of my life, GOD was really true with the promise that HE will never leave us nor forsake us. The same thing with my ever supportive family whose been always there for me, who kept on giving words of encouragement that keeps me going. To my friends who became true to me who proved that they are the ones whom i can really depend on when no one seems to understand. Thanks to YOU! Yeah it might sound exaggerated for others especially to those people whom i havent seen for so long but one thing is for sure you definitely make me happy. Words are not enough. And i intend to make you my only one. iloveyou neiLko!!ü     

26th of October 2006 (8:16 AM)

So It's You

I love you, that's what really matters and we'll prove them wrong with what they've said

...its really been quite a while siNce i last posted an entry here and maybe you guys are wonderin on what the heck i am up to this past few weeks...twas due to my hectic summer duty, it was indeed a hectic sked for me..could you imagine that we were on duty three times a week, twelve straight hours a day?!

although twas fun coz we were given the chance and the opportunity to be exposed on different areas startin on the 3rd day of May..it wasnt good at all, basically for the very reason that we really have to make some necessary adjustments for us to go with the flow..in a typical hospital duty, an 8-hour shift/day is fine but in our case, due to the large population of nursing students in our batch, the nursing admin. came up with that shiftings (its either you'll be in duty on MTW or in ThFS).

twas very tiring..though i have to admit that my expectations on what im lookin forward to wasnt good enough with this summer duties that we have right now

the affiliations were from far places..its fine if its near or far(wherever you are?!oooops just kiddin')what matters most is the assurrance that within our hospital exposure, we'll be handling different cases for the completion of our PRC forM's in preparation for our graduation..hopefully by next year(in GOD's will).

the few cases that i have handled..wasnt good enough..and im afraid not to complete it all..and it scares me..

by next mo., i will no longer be in the section that i was in for 2 semesters..my transfer to a regular section will be effective this SY'06-07..i will no longer see the same old faces that i used to hang out with during our free time..i know there's somethin more that's in store for me..

...and that's it for now

josie is now signing off..ciao!!ü GBU

      Yesterday, myfamily along with myaunties/uncles and cousins from the side of mydad all went to splash island in Biñan, Laguna...this was actually a surprise when i first heard the plan of myuncle because by next week, ill be having myhospital duty na startin may 1st to june 10th(summer vacation..goodbye to you :c)

      When we got there(at splash island), knowing that its already summer and people would really love to go on outing with their family&friends, is very evident as we arrived to the parking lot area.

      The security was really strict, why?! Because they wouldnt allow anybody to bring along their salbabidas and even their food with them kahit H2O,promise!!ü and you know what?! a 1000mL of H20 costs P38, coz mymom bought yesterday and she asked why mahal?! and she was reminded that were on the island(i dont get her point just to be honest with you guys =))).

      We really had fun because we make sulit of our entrance(P325.00)paid by my uncle(younger bro of my ever dearest dad). I actually enjoyed not only the pool and the slides but the company of mycousins now that we have grown up na talaga.

      Aside from the slides, ive seen a lot of cute faces there(especially those with chinky eyes?!ü)yeah a lot..ü which added up to the fun and enjoyment that i had yesterday.

      Im lookin forward to have a part 2 of what we had yesterday(coz it was really fun to be with your very own family,who will always be there for you no matter what happens).

--pictures arent available at the moment-